If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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