I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
