what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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