Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
