I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
