he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
