Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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