Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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