After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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