Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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