In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
