i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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