I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
