it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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