I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
