Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
