So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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