Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
