I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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