I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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