Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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