i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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