So drunk its hurt
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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