I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
