You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize