Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
