Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
