There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
