My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's blow job season.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
please don't ironically join a cult
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