i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
