my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
