were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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