I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
