Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
