You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's shark week go big or go home
He shit in the fireplace
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
