All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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