I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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