Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
