just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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