This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
