If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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