I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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