Midget sex pt 2 tonight
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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