Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
