she was so not down for the gang bang
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
