So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
