I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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