the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
