I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
