I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
