I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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