Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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