does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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