I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.