Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

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(925): View more from California

I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position

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(517): View more from Michigan

he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

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(248): View more from Michigan

They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(970): View more from Colorado

He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys

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(801): View more from Utah

I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.

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(217): View more from Illinois

4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket

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(772): View more from Florida

its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves

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(650): View more from California

I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.

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