dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.