3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.