Pappa wants mamma naked
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.