He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks