I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.