I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.