He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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