Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
