I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
