too bad you live with your parents still
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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