yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
