you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
