I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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