My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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