theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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