so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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